Monday, August 18, 2008

A Heckler's Guide to Slandering Alex Rodriguez


By

With a series versus the New York Yankees looming, it's important that Blue Jays fans be prepared with a lot of verbal ammunition to fire at Alex Rodriguez. He is arguably the most hated visiting player to the Rogers Centre, and last year's "ha incident" solidified his place on the Level Of Douchebag Excellence.

Because of the recent rumours, the obvious choice would to be to make fun of A-Rod parking his car in Madonna's 30 car garage. Some fans have chosen to go with the visual route to distract Rodriguez, others have decided to use their words to throw him off. Whichever method feels most comfortable to you is appropriate.

Short and simple heckles are always effective. "A-Rod Sucks" or "AAAAAAAAAA-Rod" are acceptable, and widely used at the ballpark. Fans in the first 1-5 rows also have the option of yelling "ha" every time Rodriguez swings. Though, if you want your heckle to stand out and have fellow fans chuckle at your insult, maybe use something catchy such as "A-Rod is A-Douche" or "Gay-Rod".

If he so chooses, Alex Rodriguez could use the rebuttal "oh yeah, well at least my girlfriend can get the early bird special!" Touche!

Luckily, A-Rod makes it very easy for fans to pummel him with insults. His widely publicized public life is fodder for hecles on the field, and sometimes it almost feels too easy. Do not take this as pity, and continue to relentlessly heckle him. Because after all, he makes fucking $28 million dollars a year, so he should expect this kind of shit.

Remember, the goal of heckling Alex Rodriguez is to affect his play on the field. If you are unable to affect his game, fans will also be satisfactory knowing that he might go home at the end of the day and cry his eyes out to his Material girl. See what I just did there?

*** Note: If you have any great A-Rod heckles, feel free to leave them in the comment section. Any suggestions are welcome.

5 comments:

  1. I've always been fond of Pay-Rod

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  2. I like that one too - I'll add that to my list of A-Rod heckles. Though I wish there was one I could come up with about his receding hair line.

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  3. I've got nothing for that but I was thinking at work that the fact that Denis Rodman tapped Madonna first should definitely be mentioned. I mean, come on, do you really want to go in second after Rodman?!?

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  4. Good point, Dave. Sloppy seconds after The Worm is definitely not something to be proud of. Don't forget that Vanillia Ice, David Blaine and Lenny Kravitz also boinked her. I wouldn't go near that even in a bio-hazard suit.

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  5. Most ballplayers today are taking homeopathic growth hormone oral spray because it's safe, undetectable, and legal for over the counter sales. As time goes on it seems it might be considered as benign a performance enhancer as coffee, aspirin, red bull, chewing tobacco, and bubble gum.

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