Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Mike McCoy is the new Slap Chop

By
Hey, it's Vince here with the greatest invention since the Slap Chop ... Blue Jays utility man Mike McCoy.

You're going to be in a great mood all season because you're going to be hitting and gloving away your troubles with Mike McCoy on the roster.

Now look, here's an ordinary middle infielder. One slap, you've got a guy who can play the hot corner. Two slaps, you've got an outfielder just like that.

Now I love pitchers, but once in a while get those position players in there to throw a couple innings when those guys get tired. One slap, and Mike McCoy picks up the ball and goes to the mound.

Alright, life's hard enough as it is for Blue Jays fans. You don't wanna cry anymore. Put Mike McCoy in there and you'll stop crying long enough to forget that Roy Halladay isn't coming back.

Guys, we're going to make the Blue Jays somewhat competitive again ... one utility player at a time.

Now here's the deal - when you put Mike McCoy on the roster, you either get the Joey Gathright or the Jeremy Reed. They're both great for the outfield, or even jumping over cars if someone suddenly drives a vehicle onto the field and they need to leap over it to catch a fly ball.

Mike McCoy sells for $400,000, but if you pencil him in on the 25-man roster now ... because you know we can't do this all spring, you're going to get Joey Gathright or Jeremy Reed. Just pay another league minimum salary.

Here's how to order!

8 comments:

  1. Nice one, Ian, nice one. But how does he clean up?

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  2. Watch this, you're gonna love my nuts!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWRyj5cHIQA

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  3. Anon, McCoy will probably be decent if he makes the cut. He already has the Cito stamp of approval, so that almost guarantees a spot on the roster. Just think of him as the modern day Joe Inglett, but faster.

    Chris, I came across that video during my travels in research for this post. Vince and his subtle humour.

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  4. HI, DAVID PURCEY HERE FOR THE BIG BLUE JAY SLIDER STATION. THE ONLY WAY I STILL HAVE A CAREER IN BASEBALL. JUST INSERT THE BALL INTO MY HAND WHEN YOUR STARTER GETS TIRED AND WATCH ME WORK. NO MORE NEED FOR INCONSISTENT CURVEBALLS. NO MORE WASTING TIME WITH MEATBALL OF A CHANGEUP. IT'S THAT EASY. I GUARANTEE IT.

    ORDER NOW AND WE'LL THROW IN A FOUR SEEM FASTBALL, GREAT FOR WHEN I GET BEHIND IN THE COUNTS OR NEED TO SHOW SOME DOMINANCE, ABSOLUTELY FREE.

    BUT WE'RE NOT DONE YET. ON TOP OF ALL THAT, WE'LL THROW IN AN OPTION. GREAT FOR ROSTER FLEXIBILITY AND IF I FALL OUT OF FAVOUR WITH CITO.

    ALL THIS FOR ONLY $19.95. THAT'S RIGHT. JUST PAY LEAGUE MINIMUM SHIPPING AND HANDLING.

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  5. Roll, I'm still a little indifferent about putting Percey in the pen (yay for alliteration!), but it's a hell of a lot better than have him toss 5 innings and give up 6 walks.

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  6. Love the line about jumping cars in the outfield. McCoy for leadoff hitter 2010!

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  7. Capn, that's about the only thing Gathright would be good for (aside for the speed). I'm hoping McCoy makes it over him as well.

    Golden Arm, I still can't believe Vince got away with saying that line in a commercial.

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