Monday, July 12, 2010

Moustache Clad All-Stars: The Best Staches of the First Half


By
Once again, baseball fans have been privy to some momentous occasions during the first half of the 2010 season. There were Roy Halladay and Dallas Braden's perfect games, and of course Ubaldo Jimenez and Edwin Jackson's no-hitters.

However, all of them pale in comparison to some of the follicle treats and moustache arts we've experienced up until the All-Star Break. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you ... the best staches of the first half, or better known as your Moustache Clad All-Stars.

Lyle Overbay: Toronto Blue Jays

This moustache was relitavely short-lived, as it only survived the first week of the season. Overbay sported his handlebars at the Blue Jays Home Opener and then shaved it off the following night.

After that, the Blue Jays first baseman was marred in a month-long slump that saw him hit .191 in 27 games. Lesson learned: don't mess with the 'stache.

John Axford: Milwaukee Brewers

It's no coincidence that shortly after he was called up to pitch in the Brewers bullpen, he took over for Trevor Hoffman as the closer. Notice Axford's acute attention to detail with the waxed tips of his moustache. Rollie Fingers would definitely be proud.

Carl Pavano: Minnesota Twins

Prior to this season, Pavano has struggled to regain his form from 2004 when he won 18 games with the Florida Marlins. Now, sporting a sick 'stache, Pavano is among some of the best starting pitchers in the American League.

I can't quite put my finger on it, but Carl Pavano either looks like Super Mario, Luigi, or their arch enemy Wario.

Corky Miller: Cincinnati Reds

Playing for the NL Central leading Reds, Miller is enjoying a sense of stability in the majors as their backup catcher. It's very similar to another infamous moustache clad journeyman catcher, Sal Fasano.

In my estimation, this means Corky Miller is destined to eventually be a manager for the Toronto Blue Jays.

Brian Fuentes: Los Angeles Angels

This is one of the rare occasions where the moustache has not made the man better. Fuentes rocked a moustache earlier this season, and yet his ERA has hovered around 5.00 for almost the entire first half of the season.

Maybe the Angels closer should leave the 'stache to guys like John Axford from the Brewers who can get the job done while donning a cookie duster.

Ryan Doumit/ Bobby Crosby/ Ronny Cedeno: Pittsburgh Pirates

The Pittsburgh Pirates had a very interesting "Stachesperiment" earlier this year: all the players grew moustaches for as long as their win streak continued.

Now while some lip sweaters were more impressive than others, Ronny Cedeno was one of the lone soldiers who was a little folically challenged above the lip, so he decided to fashion a 'stache out of blackout.

While most of the team has gone back to their clean-shaven ways, Ryan Doumit and Bobby Crosby have chosen to carry on the tradition. Crosby in particular is currently wearing one wicked looking handlebar moustache that would make even Paul Sr. from West Coast Choppers a little envious.

Brendan Ryan: St. Louis Cardinals

Every time I see Brendan Ryan out on the field or in the batter's box, I can't help but think he's going to break out into a verse of "Goodbye, My Coney Island Baby".

If you saw him on the streets, you might think Ryan was a member of a St. Louis barbershop quartet or he could also be mistaken for one of those old time door-to-door sarsaparilla salesman.

Images and inspiration courtesy of:

Rum Bunter
RedsZone
Garden of Halos 
Baseball Junk 
American Mustache Institute

6 comments:

  1. Whenever I see Brendan Ryan I think of Conan O'Brien's "Old Timey Baseball" sketch.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes, Matt - most definitely. And by the way, that's probably one of the (if not the) funniest baseball related comedy sketches I've ever seen.

    ReplyDelete
  3. When I saw Pavano pitch against the Jays recently I thought he was a maintenance guy for a second. Looks like he should be pouring concrete instead of pitching. Love the 'stache though...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Mattt, maybe Pavano's success in the first half can be attributed to the stache! He's never posted 10 wins before the All-Star break until this year.

    Gotta love the power of the whiskers.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Corky Miller gets my vote as best of the lot, with Ronny Cedeno's a close second...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Q, if we're judging the staches on sheer size I would definitely go with Corky Williams. However, I'd give some style points to John Axford and Brendan Ryan as well. Ronny Cedeno wins the creativity award for sure.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...