Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Beard Today, Moustache Tomorrow for Jose Bautista
By Ian Hunter
If you're a frequenter of this site, you have probably noticed my somewhat strange fascination with moustaches in the sport of baseball.
So you can understand my elation when Jose Bautista stepped into the batter's box last night sporting a coiffed moustache that rivals some of the best in the business.
Several folks threw around a couple names when it come to moustache likenesses, so I scoured the internets in an attempt to find which moustache best reflected the new lip sweater on Jose Bautista.
First up is Borat: while Jose Bautista can be known for letting his coiffe get a little out of control, the sheer size of Borat's moustache is about 2-3 times the size of Bautista's. While Borat might say "very nice!", I think it's comparing apples and oranges in the moustache world.
Next we move onto another popular choice, Freddie Mercury. Once again, the thickness and the girth of this stache far exceeds Bautista's, with the only real similarity being the angle of curvature around the face.
Here's everyone's favourite general from Cloud City, Lando Calrissian. So far, this is the closest moustache to Jose Bautista's as far as shape and size of his cookie duster are concerned. It's just unfortunate that Bautista's voice isn't similar to that of the always smooth and sophisticated Billy Dee Williams.
Onto Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride. Jose Bautista may not be an ambidextrous fencer, but I've always pictured him saying "I am Jose Antonio Bautista. I kill your inside fastballs. Now, prepare to die".
Last but not least, there's Vincent Price. I'll be honest - I had no idea what Vincent Price looked like until Saturday Night Live started doing those sketches with Bill Hader. Price looks more like a Bond villan than anything, but his moustache is somewhat comparable to Bautista's.
So what exactly am I trying to prove by this exercise? I'm not exactly sure. But whether it's for his ability to hit inside fastballs or his ever-changing facial hair choices, Jose Bautista has been extremely exciting to watch this season.