Battle of the Beards: Jose Bautista vs. Brian Wilson
Wednesday, October 6, 2010 | by Ian Hunter
So you can imagine my shock when I saw some signs in the stands at AT&T Park over the weekend that said "Fear The Beard".
However, watching a few innings of the San Francisco Giant's chase for the National League West title, I observed another beard that was certainly worthy of mention: Brian Wilson's.
How could this be? As far as I'm concerned, the only beard worthy of being feared belonged to Jose Antonio Bautista. Okay, maybe Jayson Werth's too.
These two beards were arguably the best in the business in 2010, but which one is the best beard?
Well, if we're going by duration of beard, Jose Bautista wins hands down. He has been growing that thing on and off for years, and even had it in Spring Training. On the other hand, in my estimation Brian Wilson grew his beard out of necessity to distract the fans away from his horrible mohawk.
Moving onto pure size and girth of beard, the edge goes to Brian Wilson. The length and overall size rivals that of Will Ferrell's character Roger Clarvin from the Hot Tub Lovers sketch on Saturday Night Live.
I know some folks accused Jose Bautista of using PED's this season, but I say we need to test Brian Wilson for BED's: Beard Enhancing Drugs.
Also, you can definitely tell Brian Wilson used about 4 or 5 boxes of Just For Men on that beard. It's blatantly obvious that the shag carpet on his face doesn't match the drapes on his head.
Jose Bautista's beard however, is real ... and it's spectacular.
Overall, it's a very tough call, but Jose Bautista wins the Battle of the Beards ... by a hair.